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Dear Jade, My husband and I have been seeing a marriage counselor for a year now, but things are still bad between us. I've recently found a pack of condoms in his luggage. Should I confront him? If so, how should I approach him without seeming like I was looking into his luggage? Beth HE SAID: Dear Beth: To lessen the effect of an inevitable Jerry Springer-like showdown, the next best opportunity to discuss your concern is when both of you are at the counseling session. To be frank, if the marriage has been going downhill, it is probably in the best interest for you and your husband to move on with your lives. Resolve any custody and asset issues as soon as you can and focus on the future that is ahead of you. Be happy that you are alive and kicking. In the end, isn’t that what it is all about? |
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SHE SAID: Dear Beth: Marriage is hard. You and your husband seem like you are willing to save your marriage by seeking outside help. I think there is a breaking point where you can't continue, but only you know what that is. Finding condoms in your husbnad's luggage isn't a good sign. You have the right to ask him about it. You are an equal partner in the marriage. However, before approaching him about the condoms, think it through and ask yourself "what do you want in this marriage?" Are you willing to work and look the other way if he admits to an affair? How will you feel knowing that he is unfaithful? Can you forgive him? What will life be like in five years if you stay in this marriage? If you decided that the marriage can't be saved, that is okay, too. Both you and your husband deserve to be happy. Best of luck. BUT MAMA SAID: Dear Beth: I'm sorry to hear of your discovery. You should ask your husband about them. Both of you deserve to get this out in the open. There is no way your marriage can go forward if things like this are hidden. Knowing you found condoms and not knowing the reason behind them will only eat at you. Perhaps he is having an affair, but you should give your husband a chance to explain the reason for the condoms. |
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