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Dear Jade, I bought a house with my boyfriend three months ago and I'm having second thoughts about our long-term future together. He's a bit boring and expects me to cook and clean. We both work and put in the same amount of money into the house. I've told him that I don't cook or clean, but he still expects dinner from me every night. And our house is a big mess. Also, I just don't feel the passion in him anymore. What should I do? Unsure in CO HE SAID: Dear Unsure: Both you and your boyfriend need to understand that owning your house is a huge responsibility. Yes, buying a house can enrich a person's life in many ways. At the same time, it can drain the owner's resources if they are not prepared for the myriad of responsibilities associated with owning a house. Aside from mortgage payments, maintenance and up-keep are a must. Simply put, if you and your boyfriend cannot both pitch in together, then it is time to move on. Expectations from each owner of the house should be both diplomatic and democratic. As you know, your relationship is the foundation upon which you bought the house. Certain problems can be fixed, while some may be beyond repair. Whether it is the house or your relationship, both situations need TLC. I am not convinced that the relationship is at a point of condemnation. As far as the mess is concerned, well, pick up a broom because both of you are your own five-Star housekeeping crew. Oh yes, let's not forget the meal he expects every night. Tell him the instructions for the frozen dinners are on the back of the packages. |
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SHE SAID: Sorry to hear that buyer's remorse has set in for you--at least with your boyfriend. The good thing is that it's just the house that's tying you together. If it's just the cooking and cleaning part that's put a damper on the deal, you've told him how you feel. If he still expects dinner then just order delivery or take-out. And when it comes to cleaning, hire a service. Or just clean up only own crap until he pitches in as well. BUT MAMA SAID: I don't think this is about house cleaning or cooking and I think deep down you know it, too. It seems to me that you are not happy with this man, even though you have a secure relationship, a house, and things are starting to fall into place. Before a home and children (if you were planning on them), you need to be with a man that you are happy with. This means that you can tackle small stuff together and still want to be with him every day. Granted, romance doesn't last 24/7, so don't expect it to be as you were dating. If so, you'll be disappointed. |
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