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Dear Jade, My in-laws are not interested in our daughter. By this I mean they don't visit us and we don't make an effort to visit them since they are 6 hours drive away. We see them at Christmas time and even that they are too busy with their other grandchildren. My husband doesn't really get along with his father or his sister, because of that we don't attend many family related gathering. To him, the less our daughter spends time with their grandparents, the less he has to spend time with them. My daughter keeps asking us why her grandparents doesn't want to see her. She's 5 years old, what should we tell her? Also, should we confront my in-laws about their ungrandparents like behavior? Kaylin HE SAID: It is unfortunate that the in-laws are behaving the way they are. That said, both you and your husband are just as guilty for not resolving issues with the in-laws. To say the in-laws are not interested in your daughter is, in essence, sidestepping whatever underlying problems may exist. Every adult, in this mix, is guilty. Let's be honest. The fact that grandpa is too busy with other grandchildren or that it is a six-hour car ride, is not the problem. The main problem is that all of the adults involved failed to reconcile all these years ago. The longer this goes on, the worse it will be for everyone. It is a shame that your daughter has not truly enjoyed the love and affection from her grandpa and aunt. Unless the kinks are worked out through dialogue, nothing good will result for anyone. |
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SHE SAID: After reading your problem a couple of times, I think this whole thing is the issue of your husband and his family. I'm not sure what the issues are but it seems that his parents are taking it out on your daughter. Unfortunately she's being punished (maybe this is a harsh word) as a result of her grandparents' reaction towards your husband and maybe you. Either your husband needs to address the issues with his family or just continue to not notice the elephant in the room. If that is the case then tell your daughter that her grandparents are far away and can't make the visits and if you have a family gathering, distract your daughter so she doesn't notice that her grandparents are ignoring her. Unfortunately most people don't know that being a grandparent is not a biological right. BUT MAMA SAID: It's tough when a small child is involved. I'm assuming no one is mean enough to actually tell your daughter that her grandparents don't want to see her. So you should just tell your daughter that they live too far away to visit a lot and that's why she doesn't get to see them very often. You could add that other children don't see their grandparents except at Christmas/Hannukah/Thanksgiving. It helps kids to know they aren't the only ones. As for the grandparents, someone should say something to them to let them know how your daughter feels. Your husband should probably step up since they are his parents. But if you're closer, mention it next time you speak with them. |
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