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Dear Jade, I've been having issues w/ my stepdaughter since I married my husband. Now I'm five months pregnant, I'm not sure how this is going to affect our blended family. My stepdaughter is 18 years old, and a high school dropout. Basically, her future is really going to be hard. Her mother died several years ago, so she lives with us. We have not told her about the new baby yet. I'm not sure when to tell her. I just wish she would move out and let us be our own family. Is this bad of me that I don't really care for her? Should I ask my husband to step up and ask her to leave since she is of legal age? Jersey Housewife HE SAID: Dealing with teenagers requires a lot of patience and skills. You for one should know because you were once a teenager too. The fact that her natural mother passed away does not mean she is damaged goods. I think it is unfortunate that you don't really care for her. What is worse is that the feelings are mutual. Translation: Everyone involved has a lot of work to do. As adults, we all remember what we went through during those fragile years. But what is important is that you and your husband have the ability to provide structure in her life. Remember the bun in the oven? That baby will need the same support too. Like everything else in life, you hope for a change for the better and a copious amount of "hands in the air ta-da" moments. So long as there is a support system in place, and you know you've done all you could, the rest is up to your stepdaughter's own initiative. |
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SHE SAID: Dear Jersey Housewife, Your problems with your stepdaughter is really about you wanting a family that is yours. Unfortunately, you married a man with a daughter. You can be ask your husband to kick his daughter out, but that would make him a terrible father, would it? Girlfriend, when you are single, being selfish is your game, but now that you are about to be a mother, you need to put aside these wants of a perfect family and accept that you are part of a blended family. Accept her, plus, she might turn out to be a good babysitter! BUT MAMA SAID: Dear Jersey Housewife, Congratulations on your pregnancy. As you are going through many changes with your body and emotions, I think you need to focus on you and your soon-to-be baby and less on your stepdaughter. I don't think you have the right to ask your husband to kick his child out knowing that she's doesn't have much of a future without a high school degree. What kind of a father would he be? Parenthood is not just from birth to 18 years. Plus, this will cause more long-term family issues. Perhaps, you should encouraae and put aside your issues and work with your husband on trying to help his child get a GED and off to a community college. It's obvious that she's screaming for help! When you become a mother, you will understand all of this. Your stepdaughter doesn't have a mother to look out for her. You married her father, so this is the package. You are her stepmother, act like a mother to this girl. It's not going to be easy, but this is what it's like being a mom. A good lesson before you become one. Once you have your baby, your stepdaughter might come around and make peace with her new half sibling. You never know, with karma. |
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