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Noby Susan Lim"No." That's my resolution for 2008. I am going to use "no" more often. It sounds kind of selfish but I've come to realize that I need to be. At least a little more than I am now. It's not going to be easy, though as I have the hardest time telling my friends and family that I don't want to do something. I'll agree to just about anything. Everyone around me seems to be okay with it, but I find it annoying. I get stuck doing all sorts of things: dog sitting, lending out clothes, picking things up for people, etc. Of course I then spend the rest of the time kicking myself for saying "yes." I also start resenting the person who accepted my offer time and again since I feel like they're taking advantage of me. I'm sure all the people in my life aren't doing so at all but that's how I feel and I can't shake it. It's not a good thing. And there's no one to blame but myself. I just can't help it. It's come to the point where I volunteer myself even though no one has asked. Why do I do this to myself? There's probably some Asian guilt involved, especially when it comes to my family. It's all about family, isn't it? Even if it means doing something you normally wouldn't do. I can't even count how many times I've found myself stuck talking to some family friend's nerdy kid at some mind-numbing brunch/dinner/visit when I'd rather be at home in front of the tv. And don't even get me started on blind dates. I remember reading somewhere that women have a harder time saying "no" since we worry more about being liked. I suppose that's true. I certainly don't want to be seen as the unhelpful nasty bitch. So I'd rather inconvenience myself than disappoint my friends and family, even if it means that my free time is used up and I get agitated. So this year, enough is enough. I'm going to put my foot down and say "no" Not all the time but just enough. I still want be there to help when I can…and when I want to. It's going to be hard, though. There's no way I can go cold turkey. I figure I'll take baby steps. I think my first act of "no" will be to with my roommate. There's just no way I'm going to let her borrow my new cashmere sweater. |
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