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Dear Jade, My marriage is not perfect, far from it. My husband I have been together for 10 years. A couple years ago, I found out my husband had an affair. it ended but I still don't trust him nor do I see him the same way. I stayed because of our children. Now, my eyes are wondering. There is a man that I'm considering, but I just think cheating is bad and deep in my heart I couldn't do it, even though my husband did it. But I can't stop thinking about this man. What should I do? -Utica HE SAID: Just because your husband cheated on you in the past, that doesn't mean you have a coupon or rain check to cheat on him in the future. While it may seem like you are just going through the motions and maintaining a seemingly platonic relationship, you need to ask yourself if this is what you want. Deep down, you want to divorce him and move on, except that you and your husband are staying together for the kids. However, have you ever thought about the impact the strained relationship is having on your kids now? Kids may be naive but they are not oblivious to their environment. Better yet, an adverse environment may have a greater affect on the kids as they mature. If things are that bad and the relationship is beyond any possible reconciliation, then you need to move on. You should do it not only for yourself but also for your kids. |
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SHE SAID: Think all you want. There's no harm in fantasizing, especially if it helps pass the time. Just don't actually do anything. Your husband will eventually find out and things will just get messier. If things are still bothering you about your husband's infidelity, you may want to seek some professional help. A marriage counselor may be able to get your relationship back on steadier ground. BUT MAMA SAID: First things first, you need to work on your marriage. It sounds like things aren't very stable. This can lead to more and more problems down the road. Your eye is wandering because you are still hurt from your husband's actions. Try working on this first. Then if you still aren't happy, then it is time to move on. |
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