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Dear Jade, When I was a teenager I had an abortion and that was ten years ago. I'm not sure if I should tell my husband-to-be about this since he's completely anti-abortion. What should I do? Janet HE SAID: The issue here is not whether your fiancé is against abortion, the issue is the fact that you kept this important information from your fiancé. If you don't tell him, I think in the long run it will overshadow your relationship with him. In general, I don't believe what happened ten years ago was a mistake. Rather, it was a decision that you made. Things happened and you've done what you thought was right. Look at the bigger picture. A child, as well as a teenager, would be a big responsibility for any single parent. I think your fianc would understand your situation as it related to the abortion. Your greatest challenge would be how to deliver the information. You need to anticipate his reaction before revealing your past to him. To be honest with you, it is going to be tough. Put yourself in his shoes and try to imagine having a relationship under false pretenses. It is a recipe for disaster. Hold off from booking the wedding photographers because you have a relationship on the verge of an abortion now. |
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SHE SAID: There's no need to disclose everything in your past. I'm sure there are some things he's keeping from you as well. > If you feel like you need to come clean about everything, you might want to prepare yourself for the worst-case reaction from him. But you may be surprised if your fiance reacts differently than you average anti-abortion zealot. Reactions are different when love and time are involved. Why not gauge him with a couple hypothetical situations? At least that'll give you a better feel for what you should do. BUT MAMA SAID: Honesty is the best policy but, in this case, some things are better left unsaid. this is something that happened years ago when you were young. there's no need to bring this up now. However, you may want to prepare yourself in case it somehow comes up in the future, especially when you decide to have children. In the meantime, leave the past behind. |
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