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By Irene ChanSo what is wrong with being single? Nothing!!A woman has to be married and be a mother for her life to be considered “fulfilled” and complete. At least this seems to be what society is saying today and has been saying for what seems like an eternity. While many women are pursuing masters degrees and doctorates as well as having successful careers, this kind of expectation is still placed on women who are in their mid to late 20’s and up. A lot of my friends are in their early 30’s now and they are single. They are beautiful, successful and wonderful people. However, they are made to feel lacking since they are still single. If it weren’t for “pressure” put upon them by society, they would be very content with where they are today. Marriage does not make your life complete. If it does, then I think that there is something not quite right with your life to begin with. Marriage adds to your life, but is not a requirement or the only path that one must take. I just got married this year and I intend to maintain a balanced life. I want to continue to go on trips, have dinners and go dancing with my girlfriends. There are benefits to being single but people can’t people see that or believe that. When you are single, you get to go away on long weekends on an impulse without having to worry about a husband at home or taking care of a family. I remember my one week trip with three good girlfriends a few years ago. We explored London and Edinburgh. We had tea, shopped at Harrods and visited castles. Or just a year ago, I went to Paris with two girlfriends and a guy friend for a long weekend in October because flights were cheap and we got a good package. We made the decision within a two week period and it was tons of fun. Wonderful memories and I am grateful for those times. Someone has said this to me when I was in college and I think it is such a valuable saying. “Single-hood is a gift from God. Live it and enjoy it. It is a gift that often does not last forever.” 
There is not much sensitivity around this issue. You can see this in the media. There are so many television shows, movies, books and magazine articles out there that are about finding Mr. Right and having the perfect wedding. It’s a big part in one of my favorite movies, Bridget Jones’ Diary. What I like about it is that even though she’s stimagatized by her family and friends for being single, she doesn't cave to the pressure. She realizes that settling is not good enough -- she deserves something better. I was inspired by Bridget’s strength and optimism in spite of all the disappointments in her life, many related to her age and being single. You should really see this movie.
That’s not to say that there aren’t positives to being in love and married. However, finding the right person takes time. We should all have standards and it is much better to be single and free then to be in a marriage that is lacking in love and ends up in regrets. So until then, single women should enjoy life and spend time on things that they will not have time (or less time) for once they have a family. Society, well-meaning co-workers, church friends, strangers on the street, family and friends should respect that decision and not make it harder than it needs be on the person. And the pressures do not go away with marriage. Apparently, getting married is just one more step to having the “perfect life.” If you happen to meet the right guy and you do get married, your life is still considered “incomplete”. Very soon, you are stalked by family members and friends with the baby question. I have been married less than a year and I am already being asked about babies. I consider motherhood as a great joy and a blessing from God. But what if you don’t want to be a mom? When you look at society today with all its danger and declines in value, you have to be incredibly optimistic to bring a child into this world, not to mention that children are expensive to take care of. To have a child is a very serious decision and requires great commitment. Thus, this decision should be made by the husband and wife without outside pressure or influence. Afterall, it is the couple that will be responsible for providing for, protecting, and loving the child. Having children just might not be for everyone, so why can’t a married couple be happy and content without having children. I actually believe that many couple are perfectly happy to be childless, but it is society that makes them, especially the women feel like something is missing. The worst thing is that some of these women even think that there is something wrong with them for not wanting children. It breaks my heart to see that in my friends. They are such wonderful people and are so special in so many ways. Another factor that isn’t taken into account is that they may noy be childless by choice. Maybe they already had miscarriages or they have been trying but can’t conceive. How would these seemingly innocent questions make them feel? People don’t even think about what kind of effect their words might have on someone. I just wish for sensitivity on issues like this. Getting married and having children are personal decisions that should be just that. Afterall, some things are not in our control, but are part of a bigger purpose. So enjoy whatever stage(s) that you are in and let others do the same. |
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